Inspiration.

I watch these two videos almost every day... The latter of the two, I've been watching since I was in 9th grade (2006-07).

It's odd, since I don't play an instrument or sing... Oh, well. Very inspiring videos to me.

Pharrell creating "Midnight Hour" for Natasha Ramos.

Ryan Leslie creating "Promise Not to Call."

You were the one that made me real.

And, I wonder if we'll ever find out how it was supposed to be...

Somewhere far along this road...

How could you be so... cold
As the winter wind when it breeze, yo
Just remember that you talkin' to me though
You need to watch the way you talkin' to me though
I mean after all the things that we've been through
I mean after all the things we got into
Hey yo, I know of some things that you ain't told me
Hey yo, I did some things but that's the old me
And now you wanna get me back and you gon' show me
So you walk around like you don't know me
You got a new friend, well I got homies
But in the end it's still so lonely

How could be so Dr. Evil?
You're bringin' out a side of me that I don't know
I decided we wasn't gon' speak, so
Why we up 3 a.m. on the phone?
Why do she be so mad at me for?
Homie, I don't know, she's hot and cold
I won't stop, won't mess my groove up
'Cause I already know how this thing go
You run and tell your friends that you're leavin' me
They say that they don't see what you see in me
You wait a couple months then you gon' see
You'll never find nobody better than me

Talk and talk and talk and talk
Baby let's just knock it off
They don't know what we been through
They don't know 'bout me and you
So I got somethin' new to see
And you just gon' keep hatin' me
And we just gon' be enemies
I know you can't believe
I could just leave it wrong
And you can't make it right
I'm gon' take off tonight
Into the night

System overload.

"How many times did I tell you, 'fore it finally got through?
You lose... You lose..."

Never again.

"If spring can take the snow away...
Can it melt away all our mistakes?"

I wish this song would really come true.

"When I grab your neck
I touch your SOUL."

Wait for it... Waaaait for iiiiit...

It'll be like it was... One day. I have... Faith.

WithdrawalFiredChildSupportBitchNiggazBabyMamaDrama
ParkingTicketsPoliceCooperationInsecuritiesTwitterFacebook
WeightGainBrokeLiesAwkwardnessPrideAngerPastPresentEtc.

ViolinsPianosPandaBearsRyanLeslieLyricsMasturbationFood
FashionFashawnBluCousinsMikeKennyBasketballXBOX
GoDogGoWikipediaIDon'tDeserveYouInstrumentalFuture.

TheThoughtThatItWillAllBeOverSoonAndBackToNormal.

FML.

Worst decision of my fucking life.

I be up all night.

...Whole crew's in here... LOL

Anyways... I'm inside of my dorm room. Bored as a muthafucka. Sooooo, for the sake of that last statement, muthafuckas are greater than or equal to how bored I currently am.

I still love my Beats.

I'm not particularly excited about the forensics "season" this year... Mainly because I've never done anything like it. EVER. Shouts to Mary Melton and Ryan Louis, though, for the scholarship opportunity, though. LOL. I think I'll recite some Talib Kweli, Lemon, and (my NIGGA) Shihan.

I officially started writing for my next mixtape, though. I know (the non-exisitent) readers of my blog have read this SAME statement for over a year, but, it's official. I'm definitely in the process of getting my shit together. "Just gotta make it!"

And... I'm in love with Pharrell Williams. No homo, whatsoever. I'm listening to Kenna's "Say Goodbye to Love" instrumental. Wow. And that Despicable Me soundtrack. WOW.

That is all for now.

'Til next post...

Dee Ell (the illest nigga not even close to signing a deal).

I'm back (to music), I promise.

No more Kmart...
No more D.Linquent...
It's Dee Ell, now.

Two mixtape concepts planned (and I'm writing to them...)
...A synethesia-feel to them... Lots of colors, but for good reason.

Black on One Side/Yellow on One Side (double CD)

Pink and Blu

What's a molotov cocktail that don't break the glass?

LOL. Recognize... I'm back.

I'll officially be THAT DUDE at Ottawa University in the fall. Shouts to me, I made it [kinda].

But yeah... The old situation isn't quite resolved until I release every bit of information I have. Sad, but I don't care.

Soooooooo.... Nothing was going on??? (She sent me this message after she caught me MERELY talking to a girl whom I claimed I didn't like...)

**********

MaKayla Goins December 3, 2009 at 5:21pm Report

Still fckn HEATED. How the FUCK you gone stand out there with her like that and when I'm walking away linger along with her whispering her shit? FUCK YO STUPID BITCH ASS. WANNA BE THAT COOL GUY NIGGA. FOR REAL, YOUR FUCKING STUPID.

I NEVER MET ANYONE LIKE YOU , AND HOPE I NEBER HAVE TO MEET ANYONE LIKE THAT AGAIN. YOU DON'T FUCKING CARE. YOU DON'T AT ALL. YOU AND HER ARE FAKE. FUCK YOU AND HAVE FUN WITH HER GLITTER ASS. FUCKING FAKE ASS. I SWEAR YOU ONE FAKE ASS MOTHERFUCKER.
AND THEN YOU GONNA WRITE HER ON SCHOOL LOOP IN FRONT OF ME LIKE THAT AND SEND HER PICTURES AND SHIT. OMFGGGGGG I FUCKING HATE YOU. FUCK YOU. DONT' FUCKING TALK TO ME EVER AGAIN.

HOW THE FUCK YOU GONE DO THAT? SERIOUSLY. YOU NEVER THINK ON HOW IM GONNA FEEL. HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU FEEL IF I WAS MESSAGING FUCKING TRINITY OR SOMEONE IN FRONT OF YOU FLIRTING, SENDING PICTURES AND SHIT?

YOU NEVER FUCKING THINK, can you fucking start THINKING for once? & realize you DON'T care. you DON'T care. YOU DON'T CARE.
YOU DONT CARE
YOU DON'T CARE YOU DONT CARE YOU DONT CARE YOU DONT CARE YOU DON'T CARE. YOU DON'T CARE YOU DON'T CARE YOU DON'T CARE.

YOU DON'T FUCKING CARE. FUCK YOU AND ALL YOUR FACEBOOK BITCHES, FUCK KIANNAS BITCH ASS, FUCK WHOEVER ELSE YOU TALK TO.

FUCKING BABIES DADDY ASS. FUCKING ROT FOR ALL I CARE. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU FAKE ASS BITCH.

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU.
FUCKING FUCK YOU. BITCH ASS NIGGA.
YOU STUPID ASS BITCH ASS NIGGA. FUCKING SCARED TO SHOW ME THE MESSAGES CAUSE I'LL FUCKING BEAT YOUR BITCH ASS. LIKE TODAY.

FUCK YOU BITCH

**********

Very harsh... LMFAO. I win, again.

I'm back at blogging though. I've been slaving at Kmart and getting fresh lately. Being a good pops! Happy late Father's Day to me, though! Woooooooord...

Too many ideas.

There's really no expanding the title. I have probably had about 40 or so ideas for my next mixtape...

It's 1:30 in the morning, and it sucks that this is the time I am the most creative.

I'm thinking of all Lupe beats for the next mixtape... This idea might actually stick. Dead ass... I'm just putting all of the material that consisted of actual PEOPLE aside [for now, at least]. Instead, I'll just take slight (but HARD) shots at them in the songs. LOL @ me TELLING that I'm gonna have subliminal attacks in my songs. 10 songs (slightly more or slightly less) and some skits. I got half of it done, man... And fuck selling the mixtapes or creating a buzz (for now). I'm doing this shit for the love of doing it, and for therapeutic reasons. NO LIE. I'll just so happen to give the CD to some people. Here we go.

And on a similar note, I was viewing my monthly CCS catalog and saw a shirt that said "I [LOVE] BITERS!" I must purchase that shirt. Even though I hate them.

Outty 5,000. (Look, look! Gander, gander!)

Women lie...

Men lie.

Who would think that a song that by fuckin' Yo Gotti and Little Dwayne would have such a powerful title...

100th post!(?)

Go me! 100 posts of quality, intelligent venting (and other shit)!

AY YAY YAY YOOOOO!

To celebrate, all I have to say is this:

MAMA SAY... MAMA SAH. MAMA KOO SAH.

Shouts to the E Twins, Aubz, Elijah, Esa Traviesa, Spree, Shenna, Kay (lmfao), Lou Five, and everyone else who reads this.

(Terminator) I'll be back.

edit: Apparently the blogger.com dashboard is fucked up... is this REALLY my hundredth post? Or perhaps my 99th post? Or, as the dashboard says, my 105th post? Whatever, I'm still leaving. Bye, bitches.

New mixtape details.

Before I go on... I ask you to PLEASE disregard all of the nonsense I have blogged about in previous posts. That was foolish, and, truthfully, I only went that deep into it on this blog because I didn't feel like rapping [or singing ;)] about it.

And, I seriously think it's time for a tonsillectomy. This is fucking outrageous, man.


At any rate...

MACBOOKS AND MANIC DEPRESSION

I promise, this isn't like the (now defunct idea) "Trifecta" series, which is probably never coming out. I just condensed some of these songs into this mixtape.

This mixtape will contain NO "street" songs... In other words, nothing on this mixtape will appeal to the gangstaz or the hustlaz, unless, of course, they've experienced some of the things I've experienced. Okay, MAYBE ONE "street" joint. I'm ill.

The title is simple: 808s and Heartbreak, except MY version (and little original production... WHAT UP, FINO!) I record on my laptop (MacBooks) and I regularly experience emotions that will lead some people to believe that I suffer from bipolar disorder (the other name for it is (Manic Depression). There you have it.

It will feature significantly less content (around 10-15 songs) than my previous two mixtapes... I still got it, though. You know how I does it, dunnie.

It's been an hour.

Get it? You know how people say... Never mind...
So, yeah, I'm here.

In a nutshell, here's what I've been doing:

Playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 (Someone please beat me, I'm tired of winning LOL)
Playing various PSone games on my PSP.
Working.
Watching porn.
Overdrafting my checking account.
Getting money to pay for my overdraft.
Being pissed off that the item I bought that caused the overdraft SUCKED. Damn you, EA Sports.

Hmmm. I'm gonna graduate high school. Oh yeah!!! Clap for me. Oh, wait, I never get claps. Bullshit.

Um.

It's 11:00pm. I just completed my consuming of two Spicy Chick'n Crisps and two double cheeseburgers from Burger King. I love my metabolism.

Yo, where the FUCK is Show TuFli's album!?? Ugh.

Shouts to the twins. Shouts to the readers of darnellleonard.blogspot.com. Shouts to all the good, helpful people in my life and the good, helpful people that have randomly appeared in my life to give my car a jump after I discovered that I left my lights on at the Legends a week before Christmas. What up!

Today, I didn't go to school. I ate Burger King inside the restaurant. Yum. Original chicken sandwich. Fck yea. I had work at 3:30... at 3:05 I needed a quick one, so I watched 30 second clips of Sandi Jackmon. Then I rushed to work. Oh, and I forgot to deodorant my underpits. Let's just say I move a lot on the job. There wasn't a lot of arm-raising today. LOL.

Whatever. Who knows when I'll post again.

Mixtape coming in May (really...).

I love you, Ms. Vargas (no R. Kelly).

It's 12:30am...

Well, let's see.

My haircut sucks ass.
My face hurts because my barber pressed the clipper to hard on it (AS USUAL).
I'm still sick and I'm out of ibuprofen.
I'm ULTRA behind on school work.
I don't get to go to VA next week.
(Blank)

BUT...

The "Butterfly Effect" song is ILLIN'.
I get to go on a field trip tomorrow.
I HAVE A JOB.
I DON'T HAVE TO WALK TO SCHOOL.
I DON'T HAVE TO WALK HOME.
I bought some Auto Flights this weekend, and I was FRESH today.
I witnessed a rather entertaining fight today at school (sorry, I don't condone violence as a solution, but I find it quite hilarious when people get PWN3D after massive shit talking)

I think having a fucked haircut and temporary sub-par grades are surpassed by the good things.

Good night.

LMAO.

Oh, and Happy Halloween, by the way.

Let's see...

I commented someone's FaceBook status (I didn't put "LOL," but I was CLEARLY joking...)
Then this individual (<---CLEARLY a substitute) said "No one asked you anyways..."

OKAY...

Let's get one thing clear. FACEBOOK IS PUBLIC (AND SO IS YOUR STATUS). SO YOU ASKED ALL OF YOUR "FRIENDS," ACTUALLY. If you don't like what I do, suck dick. Delete me. As niggaz would say, "STR8 LYK DAT."


I mean, say what you will or may about me, but at least I'm not... (I JUST NOT NEED TO GO THERE...)

In fact, this goes out to everyone (INCLUDING people who I'm cool with).

I'm actually gonna stop saying things like, "I can put whatever I want on MY blog," because that goes without saying. That being said, I can do whatever I want on MY blog. Bitches. Don't like it, don't be my friend... STOP READING. Eliminate me from the face of the Earth. Can't? Okay, shut up. Hahahahaha.

Reality Check... (Late night venting)

How I'm feeling right now... This quote is just stuck in my head.

"What happens to a dream deferred?"

That's on my mind for many reasons. If what I'm about to vent/rant/babble/etc. about seems irrelevant, who cares...

I'm 18 years old. I don't have anything. Sure, I have lots of material things. But, if you know me PERSONALLY, then you know that those things don't mean anything to me. Why do I get them, you ask? Maybe it's because those things are the only things that have ever given me positive attention in my life. I've been a loser all my life, but I've gotten attention for being different and wearing nice clothes (I've stopped overdressing lately, though). I don't feel good unless I have a $500+ outfit on. I watch too much TV. I went to a sneaker website and saw some shoes I've been anticipating the release of and just became so angry because I knew that the likelihood of me purchasing them is low. And I'm not afraid to admit that I'm broke because I never claimed to have extensive amounts of money, despite my expensive attire. Fuck the implications. I got rejected for 3 jobs this summer (I thought I deserved to get each of them, but whatever)... Since I saw those shoes, I applied for more jobs on the internet. If I don't get the job, it's nothing new to me. Then, I think... What would buying lots of clothes do for me? Confidence? The confidence would be wasted... because apparently no one knows me... And if no one knows me... You know where this is going. I don't know what else to do with money anymore.

So, I'm 18 years old. I have a growing goatee... A sex life (sorry, Mom)... Hopefully college bound in a few months... But I have to walk to school this week. And I have to walk home, too. I choose foot it in the morning because I'm too embarrassed to be dropped off in my step-father's work van... I have enough problems, and enough things that people can make fun of me about. I don't need one more insult added to their arsenal. Hmmm... Since my blog is public, I guess I just told everyone. Whatever. I feel ashamed to BE ashamed about the work van in the first place. I mean, I've NEVER really had much (except for when I lived with my dad), but I don't know. And it fckin' sucks that I can't complain about it because I'll get lectures such as, "When I was your age, I had to walk 5 miles in the snow, blah blah fucking blah." Just because your high school years were wack, doesn't mean mine have to be equally as bad. I need a car... Or at least I need to drive to school. Man, my year is going downhill.

Like I said earlier, I don't really have anything. I really dislike the people in my household... And they dislike me back. I put on the biggest front EVER on a day-to-day. And I hate it. It's faker than the smile I had when someone else was crowned homecoming king (pretty fckin' fake). I have no support in anything I do. I have to motivate myself to do everything. EVERYTHING. I know that they don't think I can go to a 4-year university, despite the numerous academic achievements I've received. The deadline for early entry college applications is coming soon (Nov. 1st), and I'm just starting my application process. I think I can make it... And I want to go to college... No, fuck that. I HAVE to go to college. I have to get the fuck out of here. I hate every "hood nigga" in Kansas City, Kansas and every "boss bitch" here, too. Washington, D.C. or Atlanta isn't going to be any better, but, hey. Whatever.

But... What DOES happen to a dream deferred?

Many of my dreams have been put on hold or eliminated because of various setbacks.

I had potential to be the valedictorian of my future graduating class... Then I experienced attraction to and from girls.
I had potential to be an NCAA basketball player. Then I came to Kansas City...
I had potential to be shirtless and not be ashamed of what people were seeing... Then I started rapping.
I had/have potential to get a record deal (fuck what you heard)... Then came my senior year of high school and the thought of failing due to lack of a college education.

What happens to these deferred dreams? They're looked back on during nights like this. And they're spoken about when I'm on the phone with people and I feel like I do now.

"Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun?"

It's 4 in the morning. And here I am... thinking of my life again.

I'm too tired to even think about this anymore. Much less blog about it. Fuck off.

As I always say, if any bitch nigga/bitch bitch wants to "clown on me" for this, don't waste your time. I openly admit all of this shit already. I AM A LOSER... I AM POOR... MY FAMILY DOESN'T LIKE ME... ETC. ETC. I don't even know why I even put these at the end, but I do anyways.

Point blank.

I feel like TK in this "Terry Kennedy/Bow Wow" reminiscent "beef".

I never thought he'd trip THIS MUCH over a girl that 1) I knew WAY before him, and 2) (I just not need to go here). Many "beefs" I've had involved a female... The only difference between this nigga and the other nigga (who I mentioned in this blog before) is that the latter of the two actually addressed me about the [alleged] situation. Granted, he came at me completely incorrectly (with his no-life-having-ass), but still. If we (the current nigga I'm "beefing" with) were THAT COOL in the summer, you don't pull some coward shit like this... Both of the aformentioned individuals can fuck off, regardless.

Address me about this situation before you make your judgement. And besides, if your SOOO concerned about your future and "career," then this situation shouldn't affect you as much as you made it seem... At that point, fuck the "principles" of what "I did" or "I'm doing" and all that stupid shit. Dead ass.

(Say what you will or may about me posting a blog about this situation. I didn't say that the situation didn't affect me, because I don't fucking see how me and this nigga can go from "cool as fuck" to me saying "fuck this nigga." It's not really my fault that he reacted the way he did. I'm simply stating how I feel about it. Get the fuck off of my blog if you don't like the way I handle things.)

Whatever.

**********

On a lighter note, I can officially buy cigarettes, porngraphy (and star in them), and talk to Shi Reeves without her saying that I'm "jailbait." Go me! It's my birthday (it is).