Dissimulation.

Good thing I never got around to recording this (See "Whew!!!" in the August posts). Oh, and I "poor-man's patent" all of the shit I write. AND I wrote this in mid-August... Yeah. And of course it would sound better (and probably make more sense) if I was performing this myself. I'm pathetic, (but I'm still that nigga, flyer than everyone, etc.) because this reminds me of when I'd call Breanna and leave her voicemails of me rapping verses. WACK.

**********

We're never gettin' along, so isn't it wrong
That I think of you when I get my intimate on?
Then I listen to songs
You made me angry, so lately, I vent on my blog
Still callin' me a "playah," well, hate the game
I hate to say our relationship ain't the same
I take the pain that I feel when people say your name
But it's so fuckin' hard tryna make a change
Just knowing I could never be with you
It seems that it never would get through your mind when I said that I missed you
Jealousy issues
At first, but later, I'd be ready to kiss you
I see you with that nigga, I'm especially pissed, too
That's you main, I guess I'm second, and it's cool
But not for real, I fell so easy
I guess it's L-O-V-E (dead ass)

And somewhere along the lines, things got hard and I
Up and got pissed, I fuckin' lost it
But really all was fine
'Til somethin' hopped on my mind. It's bloggin' time!
Always lookin' at FaceBook
Statuses, I'm mad and shit, you couldn't relate good
And that's very logical
You steady tellin' me to end the jealousy, but that there's impossible
But for you, I got into a lot of trouble, prolly double
"That's not D, that's a body double!"
We gotta cuddle, but too bad we're not a couple
We had massive potential to be the hottest couple
I'm a rocket shuttle. I'm heated, believe it
I'm hopin' soon I give up
'Cause I ruined enough, I'm feelin' stupid and dumb
But just so you know, I do it because (I love you)

Your likin' of me, I know that it's shrinkin'
But my eyes not closin' or blinkin'
Without you, boo, I'ma boat, and I'm sinkin'
Corny right? See, I know what you're thinkin'
You sayin' "You don't love me, you just love my ass"
Yeah, I do, I love to touch and grab and smack it like you did something bad
I'm fuckin' bad
So [if] I smashed from the back, you should know I'm gonna brag
But seriously though, I hope you're hearin' me, yo
'Cause I'm weary, you know?
So? I'm a whore, and I ignore you. I know, I'm evil
So what? I have a hard time gettin' over people
Remember all the words we created?
I'm nothingness now, it hurts and I hate it
First I should face it, my minds doin' backflips
I'ma try movin' past this (Dammit)

**********

And that's better than any bouquet of flowers, bitch.

Poem: Ettyalp by Darnell Leonard.

There's nothing more I can do
But I can't stop, no laptop to record this for you
Awake late, this ain't great, so I vacate
This great place, this may take longer than I hoped it would
But as long as we are going good
Us two will bridge the gap, honestly, you know we should
And this message, yes, it's corny as fuck
I'd like to say glorious stuff, but surely enough
I'm the same, I can't change, am I annoying, or what?
I'm childish, doing wild ish, ignoring too much
The explanation for that is, I'm greatly attracted
To your donk, it's so great when I smack it
For real, though, I'd like to think it's make believe
You couldn't stay with me, I'm thinkin' that you hated "we"
"We" as in me and you, you and I, basically
Erasing me from your life, right when I came to see
That we were really slippin' fast, fallin' majorly
I'd hate to see you leave and run away from me
But, you say I ruined my chances
I laugh it off, don't act appalled, my mind's really movin' in panic
I'm losin' it, dammit, I can't keep my mind steady
Can't sleep alright in recent nights, school, eyes heavy
I'm ready, but not to say goodbye
I stay and try to make it work as the days go by